A few fun facts before I begin (if possible, please imagine “fun facts” being said in the voice of Janet from The Good Place. It’s not essential to understanding/enjoying this post…I just really…REALLY love The Good Place at the mo).
Fun fact #1– I’m technically Dr. Molly, the psychologist, but my specialty is NOT clinical psychology/therapeutic techniques/psychoanalysis. My thoughts are thought-out but not based on up-to-date research in these areas. They’re based on (this list is not exhaustive):
- my childhood
- my understanding of science, the humanities and the arts
- years of therapy (different types and people)
- my own experiences
- chats with friends
- probably musicals, too
Fun fact #2- When I write these self-help-esque posts, I’m primarily writing them for myself (I have this theory that at least a subset of self-help authors are doing the same…and making their living out of it! Eh [shrugs shoulders], who am I to judge in this “post-truth” apocalypse. I put “post-truth” in quotations, because I hate that term. It implies that before now, the media and public figures were always telling the truth…). If the post happens to help you and/or encourages you to think about a concept from a different perspective, that’s ideal, but…I’m not gonna pretend I know what the fuck I’m talking about. Also, in my opinion, everyone’s needs are different (haha I just made a general statement about heteronormaty!). Thus, if you need help, please reach out to a non-bias helpline (if time-sensitive) or a licensed professional. From my experience, building up a strong knowledge-base from a diverse set of sources and strengthening your support network is key.
Now onto the topic at hand: Walls vs. Boundaries
(i’m having trouble finding the source for this image…it’s at The Berlin Wall in 1962 and I found it here)
Physical walls are a bit of a hot button topic at the moment. For this post, I’d like to take about walls and boundaries in a figurative sense. So for a wall, think the end bit of Im not afraid of anything. The thing I love about that song is that by the end, it’s clear that she’s afraid of quite a lot. Specifically, that her partner, David, doesn’t love her, because he’s afraid of her.
I get that that.
The difference between me and her is that instead of boxing loved ones out of my life (which is a necessary and understandable thing to do in certain circumstances), I’ve chosen to strengthen my boundaries.
Some people I know flare up when they hear the word “boundary.” That’s my fault for mentioning it to them, I suppose, but…I don’t really think boundaries are anything to fear.
Instead, my personal boundaries are something I’ve chosen to embrace. They’re how I maintain my autonomy in this world.
I know in my heart of hearts that living in this world as a Jewish, emotional, millennial woman is not fucking easy.
Tell me I’m whining if you want, but I don’t really give a fuck what your opinion is (unless you verbalize it well), because…
you guessed it!
I’ve created a boundary between myself and you.